If I ever had to blog every day on one item and one item only, I think I would choose the Daily Mail. The Mail on Sunday, what with it's Hastings and Hitchens columns, could keep me chuckling along nicely for a few days. Sadly, it would no doubt lead to an overload of my liberal sensibilities, which would erupt in some kind of yellow-bellied freak out.
But newspapers ain't part of my beat (apart from the E&E letters page, of course). However, when they do adverts, they're playing away at ElYokel Fields, and I'm going to net me some easy scores.
The Daily Mail advert in question was a bit of a collector's item. To my knowledge it only appeared last Friday for one day only. It was advertising the DM's Saturday offer of a free "Learn French" cd. It did this by demonstrating how it's wide readership might enjoy the CD. Most of them are pretty boring - but three stuck out as being, well a bit wierd.
One featured a couple where the man asks his wife to let him read their paper, in French obviously. The woman's reply was not, as might be expected "La seule raison que nous restons est ensemble de soutenir le mensonge suburbain qui est la sainteté du mariage. Maintenant la pisse au loin et me laissent apprécient la seule chose que les trois cellules de cerveau que j'ai laissées après 40 ans de boire des quantités copieuses de genièvre peuvent me permettre de comprendre"*, but "Ah non, silly man!" in the kind of accent only heard in Allo Allo!
A more disturbing snippet viewed a teenage boy lying in bed with his arms suspisiously under the covers. Enter his mother to tear the bed sheets away. "Ah-ha!", she cries, "I've caught you, you little wa..it a minute, you're only listening to the free Daily Mail cd. I love you son."
All of the snippets are in "French" with English subtitles. The final scene puts a little humerous twist on this. A woman goes into a newsagent and says to the shopkeeper "The Daily Mail, si vous plait." The newsagent replies "Sorry?", which is subtitled as "Pardon?". Ha ha, see what they did there?
Problem is no-one can surely be that thick that they can't understand the French for please. And anyway, if she really were ordering it as a fluent French speaking English person, she would have shouted “THE. DAY-LEE. MAIL. SI. VU. PLAY" before tipping her coins out onto the counter to let the shopkeeper to take whatever he decides is the right amount.
* I have no idea if this is right - I suspect not. Putting it back through Babelfish is quite amusing.
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